Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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