dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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