I wish I could punch you in the face.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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