oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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