her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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