Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
