Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
