So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize