What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
