pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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