Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
