it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
