I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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