How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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