theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
