from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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