I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
