I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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