It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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