I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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