I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
