i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
