A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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