Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
