True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
