I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
