I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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