the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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