I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
