So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
