At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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