So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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