: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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