so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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