In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize