Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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