I wanna bring you to show and tell
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
