So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
