you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
