That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
