something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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