i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
