she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
