8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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