I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
