Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
