I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
