I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
