Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
