I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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