She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
