He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
