You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
