3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
