I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
