She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
