I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
