Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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