We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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