Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
