get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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