kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize