the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
do nipples grow back?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
