i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
