I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
