guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
