im drinking this country out of the recession.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
