Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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