I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
