Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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