Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
