My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
