What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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