Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
