Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
