I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
