did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
