ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
