Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
