Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
