You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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