Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
