Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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