Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
