Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
