so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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