Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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