would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
