it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
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