he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
