Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
