we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
