need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
