I hate your face
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
