I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize