1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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