Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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