Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
