I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
