We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
