porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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