I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
