RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Randomize
