I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
