he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
In other news, I just burned my penis
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
